we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
