I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
