I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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