Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
