Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
