hotel room ftw
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
