This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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