ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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