1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And then he peed in my hair
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