Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Come share oat with me in your robe
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
