just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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