I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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