Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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