My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
