I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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