I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I sprained my soul last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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