Your tits are I can't wait for
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
