I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize