omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize