Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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