and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
