I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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