I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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