Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
