found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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