I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
pray to the hookup gods
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
