Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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