it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize