I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
