i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
