You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
