So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
