he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
