Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
