Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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