Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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