Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
