shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We don't watch enough power rangers
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
