News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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