he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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