kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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