My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
