Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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