Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
