Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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