im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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