I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
