my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
