hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Never joke about your clitoris.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
