I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
