are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
