Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
