I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How does one acquire holy water?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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