just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
