If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
