My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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