id be glad to
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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