remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
