You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
