I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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