i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Found your dick twin last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
