Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
