Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
