What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
