Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
