your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
